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I could be a better person. I could show my kids and husband more love. I can work more hours and sleep less and just do more.
I don't want to.
Over the years I just feel like I've found my way out of wanting to do it all. I'm too tired, or too busy with the other stuff to find the want I need to have to do.
Christmas is coming and it doesn't feel like it at all. There is no snow and no "Christmas" in the air. We are bitter and frustrated with life and the busy and can't find the happiness in the season either. I ache for my kids seeing two zombies walking around with no feelings and no happy.

I'm hoping that the joy of visiting family will help us out of the downsies. I hope that too much time away won't make us want to give up on it all. We have a good life, but it's good for someone else. Our family hasen't found the good in it yet. Waiting on God to show us, or maybe waiting on us to see it.

And all the other crap going on makes me want to move to a remote foreign island and just hole up there until the second coming. Geez what is this with people loosing it?

I've been told I'm selfish and I have been thinking a lot on that lately. I am, I know and I came to terms with that a long time ago with God, but with humans it's harder for me to take. It's difficult for me to turn the other cheek when theirs is right there burning hot poker red for me to see. I know, I know. So I'm selfish, and I'm a Christian and a hypocrite. I'm a mom and a wife and a daughter and sister that isn't all that good at those jobs either, but I am what I am and I let God show me what I'm mistaken because He always does. Not in a way that makes me angry or sad or annoyed or want to slap Him back. He's my Father and I take what He gives me as...we'll just say constructive critisism. Easier to swallow. He is my spoon full of sugar.
I hope I'm not taking you down this angry road with me. I hope that you are feeling better than me today and I hope that I can snap out of it real soon.

Merry Christmas to all and I'll try to have a happier post before Christ's birthday. Geez, what is with people ;)

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