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(sigh)

Maybe having an outlet to type my thoughts will be cathartic..... Maybe you all know after reading that what is inevitably true. That's never gonna work. We need people right? We need to talk and discuss and hear and understand and move forward, right? A lot's changed, I've said this before, but REALLY, a LOT'S changed. How do you say you've been divorced without saying you've been divorced? It was final two weeks ago exactly. It was a rough year and a half, and now it's not "better"...it's...different, but not really. My lawyer said he hears most people experiencing this emotional firestorm that it's both happy and sad all at the same time. It's like your body and mind and world trying to trick you. It's like I'm in control and completely out of control all at the same time. I can't grab ahold of myself at any one given time and I can't grab ahold of anyone else ever again without....wonder. Worry. Anxiety. Hope. In 202...
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Recent posts

"study" hall

Spring Fever. It hasn't happened quite yet but I can feel it, coming in the air.... So, I "teach" study hall. Well, administer or facilitate would be more of the words I would use to describe what I do every school day afternoon from 1-3pm. The kids are...kids. I have young kids at home that sometimes annoy me because of what they want all the time or NEED all the time. These kids, well, they have a different form of annoying that I'm not sure anyone, but a jr high teacher can understand. I will NEVER be a jr high teacher and I have a lot of respect for those men and women who do it well. There are a lot of not so good teachers. They aren't good becasue they only facilitate. It is such a hard time for these young people. They don't know where they are or where they are going. Some days I just think I can't wait for them to get into high school and wish they had the freedom of middle school again. There are days however that I look at them and want all...
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I could be a better person. I could show my kids and husband more love. I can work more hours and sleep less and just do more. I don't want to. Over the years I just feel like I've found my way out of wanting to do it all. I'm too tired, or too busy with the other stuff to find the want I need to have to do. Christmas is coming and it doesn't feel like it at all. There is no snow and no "Christmas" in the air. We are bitter and frustrated with life and the busy and can't find the happiness in the season either. I ache for my kids seeing two zombies walking around with no feelings and no happy. I'm hoping that the joy of visiting family will help us out of the downsies. I hope that too much time away won't make us want to give up on it all. We have a good life, but it's good for someone else. Our family hasen't found the good in it yet. Waiting on God to show us, or maybe waiting on us to see it. And all the other crap going on makes ...
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My teeth hurt. My teeth hurt and I'm coughing. Yes, I believe it's a sinus infection. Oh, yeah, my ears itch. It's as if I'm this illnesses host. I not only am infected, I become the illness. I am an infection. sniff Ok, here's good news. We have internet in our new apartment. And a Christmas tree. I can vacuum the whole place, minus the staris to the door, from one plug. So, it's not all bad and...it's not all good, but I'm having an easier time seeing the good. Now if I could just stop coughing...
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Sleigh Bells Ring

So, Christmas is on it's way. We are living in a little apartment and the tree or no tree issue has once again found its way to our doorstep. To tree or not to tree, that is the question. I love Christmas trees. I love finding a Cristmas tree. I love the idea of making a tradition out of it. and I LOVE leaving the lights on Christmas eve night/Christmas morning knowing that my little elves will be curious enough to sneak out to the living room and poke around at the boxes Saint Nick has left for them. Eyes bright and Christmas PJ's lit by the glow of the white lights on the tree. Yes white lights people! it's the only way!!! (sigh) So, in a few days we will or will not find a tree suitable for our living quarters. We will or will not argue about which lights to put on this year. We will or will not go back to  facebook pics to find out which set we put on last year. and we will or will not figure out a magical solution to pine needles stuck in the baseboards for y...
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Hello there!!

What a long time it's been, I'm not even sure what my last post was about! It's hot here in Indiana on this 4th of July. We have been living here for 15 months and still have not sold our home in MI. It's a sore subject for our family because we really would like to have a nice cozy place of our own. We have to keep telling ourselves and believing that Gods plan for our future is so much cooler than ours we can't even fathom it yet. I'll keep you posted on that topic. The kids are growing like weeds and I have gained at least 15 pounds since moving, blah. We love our church. Worship has never been so moving and emotional for me in my life, honestly, no lie. We are adjusting to living amidst the farmlands, but have an appreciation for it that only grows with every season. We are continuing to make friends here as we did in our previous area and hope that the bridges we are building here are as sturdy as the ones we still cross with our Saginaw friends. How st...
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